NORTHSHORE CHURCH OF CHRIST

I wonder if my generation hasn’t underemphasized ritual and overemphasized spontaneity.

Consider the husband who brings his wife flowers every Friday. He replaces the old flowers in the vase and kisses his sweetheart.

Consider, also, the husband who brings his wife flowers once or twice a year when he gets that special urge. His wife wonders what the occasion is.

Some think the second husband is more romantic and his gift would be more heartfelt. But why should it be that way? Could not the first husband’s flower ritual be more heartfelt than the second husband’s haphazard way of showing his love?

Neither necessarily shows what is in the husband’s heart, but I would guess the first husband thinks of his wife more than the second. He certainly puts more effort into his marriage, at least from a flower-gift perspective.

Think about your daily prayers. And, yes, dear Christian, you should have a daily prayer habit! Daniel prayed three times a day, and his enemies knew exactly where and when he would hit his knees. Daniel had a prayer ritual in place. Just because you pray at the same time every day doesn’t mean it’s not heartfelt. In truth, some days will be more heartfelt than others, but the ritual does not determine this. The ritual makes sure you pray.

Think about times of spiritual devotion with your family. Do you think you are more spiritual if these times are unscheduled? Dad randomly yells, “Okay, kids, let’s have some family worship!” If your kids are like mine, at least a few of them will come grumbling because you interrupted something they were doing. But if you have it scheduled, the kids tend to set aside that time and gather with a more focused mind.

What about meeting with the saints? We meet on a regular schedule, and our organized fellowship and worship looks very similar from week to week. We have rituals established. Does that mean they are not heartfelt? Not at all! The rituals give us a framework to our activities. We don’t have to think through the entire schedule every Lord’s Day, and we can focus on the important matters. We sing together, pray together, share the word of God together, and eat the Lord’s Supper together every week. Are we less than genuine? Not at all!

God gives grace through the excellent daily and weekly habits we build. The ritual helps us continue exercising what needs to be exercised. This week’s fellowship may not be outstanding or mind blowing as a single event, but our times of fellowship build momentum and we experience growth and feelings of solidarity, peace, and joy in what our Lord is doing.

Don’t fall for the lie that our worship and expressions of love must always be spontaneous to be genuine. It’s not so. In fact, we will wear ourselves out if we try to live life this way! Another grace God gives through ritual is that it prevents burnout. The husband who tries to think of something new every day to show his wife how much he loves her will eventually run out of ideas. The husband who knows a few things his wife loves and continues to give her and do those things week after week will find a steady rhythm to life.

This does not mean that spontaneity does not profit. Everyone likes changing things up once in a while! But spontaneity should be the exception, not the rule.

God gives grace through ritual. Don’t wait for the muse to hit, for lightning to strike, for inspiration to fall. Just plan to be where you need to be every day and every week and keep those commitments faithfully. Remember the tortoise and the hare and keep faithfully plodding.

Just as Satan is the father of lies and liars, so God is the Father of truth-tellers and truth-seekers.

No place for a deceiver exists among the people of God. It is said of Jesus, "No deception was found in His mouth," and that's exactly what the Father wants from His children.
 

There are six things that the Lord hates,
seven that are an abomination to Him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked plans,
feed that make haste to run to evil,
a false witness who breathes out lies,
and one who sows discord among brothers. (Proverbs 6.16-19)

Part of growing up in Christ is learning to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4.15).

It's one thing to speak truth with a neighbor and another to temper that truth with love. I'd love to tell everyone what their glaring faults are and how to fix them--isn't that truthful? Perhaps. But it probably misses the mark of love by a wide margin. When I'm so focused on others' faults and foibles, I tend to also miss my own, pride creeps in, and I end up looking down upon my brothers and sisters. So love must temper truth.

However, we must always speak the truth with one another.

Have you ever seen an adult lie to a child? This kills me. A father didn't want his child to know he kept guns in the case, so he told the child the case held his fishing rods. What happens when the child finds out what's really in the case? Perhaps he doesn't explicitly connect the dots ("Dad's a liar!"), but at least subconsciously he learns it is okay to lie to cover things up.

What's worse is when a parent outright lies to another adult in front of the child--"No, my husband's not home right now; you'll have to call back later," while said husband sits in the living room watching TV. The child learns lying is okay in order to avoid inconvenience.

Lying kills trust. If you lie to me even about a small matter, it then makes me wonder about anything you say in the future. If you're okay twisting, tweaking, or otherwise adjusting the truth, I lose confidence in your word overall.

Is there a path to redemption after you lie? Can trust be rebuilt? Yes, it can. But trust is earned over a long period of time, and once trust is betrayed, rebuilding it requires another long road of consistent truthfulness.
 

Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another (Ephesians 4.25).

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are His delight (Proverbs 12.22)

Jesus quoted from Isaiah 61 when He defined His mission on earth:

“The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon Me,
because the LORD has anointed Me to bring good news to the poor;
He has sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.” (Isaiah 61.1–3)

Jesus ended His quote with “to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor” and did not mention the day of vengeance, but the context continues and fits the ministry of Jesus all the way down to at least verse 9. In verse 8, God says, “I will make an everlasting covenant with them,” which He has done through the work of Christ.

This text overflows blessing to God’s people! Not only is there much about releasing from bondage, healing the broken, and comforting mourners, but God replaces the evil things with wonderful things—He removes the ashes and puts a headdress on; He takes away the faint spirit and gives a garment of praise.

Verse 4 says, “They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.” What an awesome picture! I see families torn apart by sin and selfishness and corruption, and God heals the wounds and builds them back into a happy, loving group that serves one another. I see weeds pulled up, gardens cultivated, broken windows and doors repaired, new tables laden with food, smiling faces, satisfied people. God heals generational wounds.

I need God to pull out the weeds from my heart renovate my life. Move out the old man and move in the Holy Spirit.  This He does through Jesus Christ!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to Himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them” (2 Cor. 17–19).

Some people have gotten the notion that being spiritually “hot” is staying in a constant state of active adoration towards God, talking about Him, and saturating every minute with praise and worship.

Then they go to work and have to focus their minds on their daily tasks, which requires them to shift their adoring gaze downward for a while, and they are disappointed because they were not able to maintain that spiritual high. Their conscience is pricked because they haven’t been able to actively think about and dwell on God for several hours, and they feel condemned because they think they haven’t been “spiritual” for that amount of time.

Paul wrote in Romans 12.1, “I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.” What did he mean by that? Perhaps we need to expand our concept of worship to include every corner of our lives. We please God when we do good things and share with one another (Hebrews 13.15–16).

Dear Christian, the way you work each day should please God. How do you worship God through your job? How do you offer yourself as a living sacrifice while focused on the complex or mundane chores of the day? When you work for people, obey them “with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man” (Ephesians 6.5–7). “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3.23).

When we work this way, we offer ourselves as a sacrifice to God, and God is pleased with us. This is a good day.

When you have a good attitude, when you work hard and heartily, when you seek the good of the people around you, when you serve others, when you submit to authority, when you do things you know are right, when you bring order out of chaos, when you clean up messes and organize, you fulfill God’s purpose for you on this earth. You reflect His image.

Those moments are precious when we can focus entirely on praising and magnifying the name of God, and we should look forward to and make regular time for that. But we can live every moment of our lives for God if we understand how our entire life works in the context of His kingdom. This is wisdom, peace, and joy. May we learn to live this way!

Picture this: your spouse is not in the room. You're chatting with some friends, and suddenly the conversation turns to spouses. One lady says her husband never considers her feelings anymore—he just does whatever he wants. You commiserate because your husband has lately been getting on your nerves, and several recent episodes tumble from your mouth as you vent your frustration. There! It's been said. You feel better. You can go on with life.

Wrong!

You have just engaged in a bit of character assassination, and it was against the one person who should be closest and dearest to you!

God said in the Ten Commandments: you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

"But what I said wasn't false!" you protest.

Wasn't it, though? Think back on the words used. Did you huff resignedly, "That's just how he is!" Did you insist, "he never..." or "he always..."? Did you allow your frustration to color your language with hyperbole? Did you keep in mind the good he has done for you, or were you only thinking of the recent trouble?

When we use words like never and always, we lie, because it's almost never true! Test it out...

"He never considers my feelings first." That's an animal and not a man you've just described.

"He always throws his dirty socks on the floor." Has he never once hit the laundry basket even by mistake?

"She never wants to do what I want to do." Was that what attracted you to her in the first place?

"She always says just the thing to get on my nerves." And I'm sure you always respond with a gentle answer to turn away her wrath.

Husbands and wives, can we agree that we sometimes do bear false witness against our spouses? We need to quit. It's not healthy, it's lying, and it's sinful.

We ought to remember that our moods change. Murder is committed when people act in the throes of anger. Paul commanded,

"Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil" (Ephesians 4.25-27)

All these commandments work together. Anger often prompts us to falsehood as we modify and reshape the truth to serve our own purposes. The best thing to do in our anger is usually BE STILL! Don't act! Wait. Take a breath and count to 10… or 100... or 1,000… whatever it takes to cool off. If we speak in anger and frustration, we are apt to sin.

Next time you feel frustrated with your spouse, try some of these options:

1. Pray about it. Laying the problem out to God often exposes our own faults in the matter. It helps to lay our problem at the feet of the one who loves us most.
2. Don't talk to your spouse immediately. Take some time before you address the problem.
3. Don't complain about your spouse to others.
4. Even while you are upset, do something nice for your spouse—just because.
5. Ask yourself why you feel so strongly about it. Was she intentionally trying to hurt you? Does he even know how what he did or said affects you? Be honest.
6. Pray about it again. Has God revealed anything to you?

I have found most issues tend to vanish given time and breathing room. I'd love to know how this technique works in your relationship.

Anger and lies give the devil a foothold in your life, so always speak the truth with your spouse!